Most of us grew up with simplistic understandings of sex and gender. Mainly that there are only two sexes, male and female, and only two genders, man and woman. But unless you've been living under a rock for the past few years, you'll know that it's much more complicated than that, and you'll know about the liberation that this diversity brings.
Dating Trans Website Reviews
Gender is a whole spectrum, it's not an either/ or scenario. For trans or gender non-conforming people, the sex that they were assigned with at birth may not align with the gender that they know they are.
Because most of our society is prejudiced and has socially constructed ideas about gender and sex, it's very difficult for transgender individuals to come out of the closet and show their true colors. This makes dating even harder for them than it is for cisgender people.
- TransDate is one of the British transgender dating sites that has a relatively active audience. It was not made for love searching but hookups are a part of the deal.searching. If you decide to go with the paid membership and feel unsatisfied, TransDate promises to grant you 30 more days for free.
- The best transgender and transsexual dating site and trans community. Date trans women and men all over the world and find your TS match nearby and all over the world!
- My Transgender Date is the first decent dating site for trans women. Made with love, by an original trans couple.My Transgender Date is owned and operated by Building Bridges Limited, Hong Kong.
Dating sites for Transgender women continues to hit the headlines! For the last 3-4 years, all things Transgender have been to the forefront of social and regular media. Interest in and the wish to meet and date Trans women continues to grow as more such women appear on TV, in films, plays, magazines and even walking catwalks modelling the.
There are also many misconceptions about the connection between sexual orientation and gender. You should know – they're not connected. Many believe that trans people transition so that they could have more socially-accepted, heterosexual relationships, but this is far from the truth. Only 15% of transgenders identify as straight.
Which brings us back around to the difficulty of dating. Finding a partner can, unfortunately, be more complicated than it typically is. It can be scary coming out to the whole world and depending on your surroundings and your community, it can be dangerous as well.
Which is why many transgender/transsexual people turn to dating websites and dating apps. People feel free to express themselves and their desires on sites and apps because they offer anonymity and security. Not all dating sites include options for transgenders, but there are many who do, so have a look:
1. TS Dates
TS Dates is an international dating website perfect for transgender singles. It also welcomes straight men and women, gays, lesbians, and even groups. It has more than 88 million members worldwide and really stands out from the crowd.
Signing up is as easy as with any other website, they ask for some mandatory basic information, and you can choose the transsexual / transvestite / transgender option.
The website is quite expansive and can be confusing at first. It has many features, including chat rooms, messages, blogs, a magazine, ongoing contests, webcams, and much more, but thankfully they do offer a tour once you've signed up.
You have the standard method of searching for matches based on age, gender, location, etc., but you can also filter your search based on your specific interests or fetishes, for example.
You can access many of the website's features without being a paying member, but you do have a lot of limitations. One of its biggest drawbacks for free members is the option to see other users' profiles, or better said– not see their profiles. You do get the profile preview, but you're not allowed access to their full information. If a member 'flirts' with you, you get more information, but you still can't see all their pictures, for example.
The price is pretty high compared to other dating websites, with $20 a month for a standard one-month subscription, and the Gold Membership with a price tag of $240 a year. The gold membership does unlock all the features of the website and gives you immediate priority customer service. However, you can only communicate with other Gold members, those with a Standard subscription may not contact you.
2. Yumi
Yumi is the best hookup app there is. It's very straightforward, you find a match, and get lucky. It's inclusive, anonymous, and perfect for transgenders. Yumi also supports all kinds of sexual orientation, so no matter how you identify yourself and what preferences you have, you can find a good match in no time and explore your own sexuality.
Dating anyone in mckinney tx. The app doesn't ask for any of your personal info, you don't need to enter your phone number, email, or connect it with your Facebook account unless you want to do all that. You don't even need a bio, everyone's on here for the same reason – to hookup, so you don't need to give your explanations as to why. All you need is a picture, and you're ready to go.
And since a picture is all you need, you better make it count. Your picture will be the reason someone flip you, so you want to have a picture that stands out and lets your personality shine through. You can use a selfie, or any picture that showcases your interests and hobbies, be it bungee jumping, clubbing, playing video games, or anything in between.
Now when it comes to using this app, it's all pretty easy. Choose 1 of 4 default 'Cards' on your screen, and click it to flip it over. There's a 50% chance of finding your next casual encounter with each round. You get 24 hours to initiate a chat with them, or else the conversation is expired.
The reason behind this being that this is an instant hookup app. It's not for dating and romance, it's just for your animalistic, erotic desires. Everyone wants some nice, casual, consensual sex here, and everyone wants it now, so Yumi wants to provide that for you.
You can send text messages, or pictures and audio files, and you can even have a video chat. This app is your go-to option for casual sex.
You can download the Yumi app for free, or choose to subscribe to the Yumi Plus, starting as low as 19.99$ a month.
3. TG Personals
Launched in 1999, TG Personals is a safe website where transgender individuals can meet and get to know each other. All features on the website are 100% free to use, and it's most commonly used for finding casual sexual encounters.
While the website was created specifically as a safe place for transgenders and gays, it has since evolved. It now includes straight men and women looking for fellow straight users, and there are many couples trying to find a good match for a threesome.
Since members are mostly looking for sexual encounters only, this is usually very obviously shown in their profiles, alongside their gender, and the sexual orientation of the person they want to hook up with. Best hook up spots fife washington.
This straightforward approach allows everyone to be on the same page about the expectations of their eventual encounters. There's no discrimination on this website, and members are very open-minded and accepting.
To sign up, you do need to put in some basic information, your display name, username, email address, age, gender, and location. You could add the sexual orientation of the person you're looking for, and state whether you're looking for sex, friendship, love, or something else.
There's also an 'about me' section where you can introduce yourself, and there's no limited number of characters there, so you can get creative.
You make a match based on your own personal preference, and you can add friends to your list, interesting users to your crush list, use different search filters, and more.
Everything is free of charge, so you can easily send messages, and they even offer a blog where users can post their own content, as long as it doesn't violate the terms and conditions.
4. OkCupid
OkCupid is another free dating site that supports the LGBTQ community and has shown it multiple times. Scott executive matchmaking services. They are huge supporters of the ACLU (the American Civil Liberties Union) and have shown their pride with the New York City Pride Parade in 2018.
OkCupid has expanded its identity and orientation list, and it now includes 22 genders and 13 sexual orientations, but it still allows for anonymity if you're not comfortable sharing your identity with the world just yet.
This site is focused more on dating and love than on hookups, but at the end of the day, it's all about what you want.
To find you the perfect match, they offer thousands of questions for you to answer. The questions are there to help you express yourself and your beliefs on lifestyle, politics, social views, and more. But they're also used so that they can match you with like-minded people who share your world views.
You can also create profile essays that better explain who you are as a person. You can talk about your interests, hobbies, experiences, anything you want. On OKCupid, they give you enough space to talk about yourself and let people know the real you.
They've also added a new feature that allows you to privately comment on people's photos, and start your conversation more smoothly.
Your best bet on OkCupid is to upload a variety of photos to show others who you are and what you like doing and add captions to them. Captions make it easier for others to understand you better and connect with you. It's also best to make use of the space you have for your profile essays.
Judging by photos alone is not enough for people to get to know each other, so the more information you give, the easier it will be to find a perfect match for yourself, whether you're looking for casual encounters or meaningful romance.
5. TS Scene
TS Scene is another trans-friendly dating website whose basic services you can use for free. It's used by thousands of transgender singles around the world, so you can take your pick. TS Scene takes all the guesswork, fear and anxiety from the dating world, and gives you a perfect place to meet transgender men and women.
You can specify exactly what kind of date you're looking for, and find the perfect one for you out of the whole database of personal profiles.
You can send instant messages and flirts to anyone you see and add or remove members from 'your favorites'.
TS Scene also has an interesting 'Rapid Match' feature. It is a free feature that displays its members in your area. You can 'like' or 'pass' the members, and get a notification if someone 'likes' you. Of course, if you're not interested in this feature, you can easily turn it off in your visibility settings.
You also have the option of blocking certain TS Scene users from sending you emails or messages in chat rooms and reporting their profiles.
If you want, there is an option for you to receive newsletters and email alerts, but you can opt out of that as well.
When it comes to TS Scene site, it is an easy to use website, its features and options are adequate enough, and it is available in a lot of countries, however, it's very rudimentary. The user interface is old-fashioned and cramped, so if this is something that you find annoying, it might not be the best website for you.
6. Trans App
The last app on our plate today is Trans, available both on Google Play, and iPhone's App Store. You can connect with trans men and women locally, or around the world, and it's a nice and safe place for you to find likeminded singles, and find friendships, hookups, and more.
It has a lot of features, but if you're a free member, many of them would be unavailable to you. You get a small number of 'swipes' per day, your messaging options are limited, etc.
As a paying member, however, you do get some advantages. You can customize your filter criteria, send messages and winks to the profiles that you like, and more.
It is a pricier service, however, with a price tag of $15.99 for a one-month subscription, $35.99 for 3 months, and $54.99 for 6 months.
All in all, while transgender singles have unique problems in the dating world, there are many apps that allow you to freely express yourself and feel accepted and unjudged.
All of the listed dating apps and sites have their pros and cons, and all have unique purposes, whether it's helping you find a date, a hookup, a friendship, or love.
So, depending on your preferences and desires, choose the app that works for you and that is the most likely to get you what you want. Happy dating!
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Sex & Relationships
Janelle Villapando has been swiping left and right for years and in that time, she's noticed a few patterns among the men she meets
As a transgender woman, my relationship with online dating is complicated to say the least.
With my accounts on OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel and ChristianMingle, I am subjected to the same kind of messages from Mr. Washboard-Abs-No-Face and unsolicited dick pics that most women, unfortunately, receive. But searching for Mr. Right as a transgender woman (I was born male, but identify and present as female) adds a whole new dimension to digital dating.
Since transitioning in 2014, I haven't reacted positively to guys who hit on me in person because I haven't mastered the art of telling them that we have 'the same parts.' For the past three years, Tinder has been my gateway into online dating as a transgender woman.
As a 22-year-old grad starting a career in fashion (and hopefully, one day, my own size-inclusive clothing line), I am drawn to guys who are funny and ambitious. There's no bigger turn-off than someone who does the bare minimum—except maybe body odour. In terms of looks, I prefer taller guys. Being 5'9″, I still like to be able to look up to my man, literally. So, whenever I see 6'2″ or taller on a guy's profile, it's almost an automatic right swipe.
(Photo courtesy of Janelle Villapando)
As a trans woman on dating apps, I've always made sure that guys are aware that I am transgender. This avoids wasting each other's time. There have also been many documented cases of trans women being hurt and sometimes even killed when they disclose their status to transphobic men that found them attractive, so being completely transparent is also a way of protecting myself from potentially dangerous situations.
As I click, message and swipe through the world of online dating, I've quickly learned that there are at least three different types of guys: those who fetishize trans women, those who are curious but cautious, and those who simply don't read. Unfortunately, these labels don't appear on their profiles.
The guy who sees me as a fetish
I usually get very forward messages from guys who just want me for my body. They view me as exotic, a kink, something new to try.
Dating Trans Website Free
These guys want to chill somewhere less public or exclusively at their place so they won't be seen with me. I have actually 'dated' (if you can even call it that) some of these men, including one guy who checked his apartment's hallway to make sure his neighbours wouldn't see me leave his place. Another guy made sure even his social media presence wasn't linked to mine. He lied about not having an Instagram account, then when I 'came across it' and liked one of his pictures in spite, he blocked me.
With these kind of guys, I've felt like I was their dirty little secret, and at first, I thought this type of interaction was the closest thing to a relationship I was going to have as a trans woman. But I finally reached my limit when one of my dates bumped into someone he knew when we were together. Despite the fact that we were on our third date, he didn't even acknowledge my existence as I stood there a couple feet from him while he talked to his friend. His silence told me exactly how much I meant to him. After realizing that I deserved so much better and was wasting my time with these guys, I stopped giving them attention.
The guy who can't handle that I am trans
After one too many encounters with men who were fetishizing me, I started to spend time on guys who actually wanted to get to know me. These are men who find me attractive, but are initially hesitant because of my trans-ness. With these men, I went on dates in public at the movies, or a chill restaurant, and I was viewed as more than a new sexual experience—but I don't think I was seen as potential relationship material either. One guy in particular seemed to really like me. We vibed well and there was sexual tension building during our dates. Then poof, he was gone. After a month, he reached out to me saying he couldn't be with me because I am transgender. He was concerned about how his sexuality would 'change.'
I had another similar experience on a first date where a man greeted me, hugged me, then said he left something in his car. After a couple of minutes, I got a text from him while waiting alone at our table that said he had to leave because my transgender status was giving him anxiety. After that, I stopped chasing guys who were too concerned about their feelings to even think about mine. Red flags like continually postponing dates and constantly asking, 'When are you getting the surgery?' helped me whittle down the number of guys I talked to by half.
The guy who ignores the (not-so) fine print
Dating Trans Website Login
Thanks to Tinder, profile pictures say more than a thousand words—and actual words seem to be irrelevant on our profiles. While most people only consider the profile pic before swiping right or left, for me, the text on my profile is crucial. Even since Tinder introduced more genders to choose from than just the binary male and female, it doesn't show your gender on the swiping screen. I get plenty of matches on Tinder, but within 24 hours around half of them un-match or block me after reading my profile. Whenever I do start talking to guys who 'stick around,' I make sure that they know I am transgender before meeting them.
(Screenshot courtesy of Janelle Villapando)
However, I recently went on a date with a guy who was tall, handsome, funny and had his shit (relatively) together. We met in the late afternoon and enjoyed our frozen yogurt in perfect patio weather. It was going really well! At the end of the date, our first kiss quickly turned into a handsy makeout session in the backseat of my car. Before it went further, I did my routine check of asking, 'You know I'm transgender right?' expecting he was going to say yes and carry on. Instead, he looked at me with a blank face.
He started yelling that I never told him. I responded saying it was all over my OkCupid profile, which it turns out he never read. He said, 'I'm bouncing; that's f-cked up,' and jumped out of the car, spat on the ground, slammed the car door and walked away. I sat in the back seat of my car in complete shock.
In that moment, I was mostly concerned about my safety. I stayed in my back seat for probably five minutes to make sure he was gone. When I got back into the front seat to drive home, I still felt uneasy. What if he's still around? What if he's going to try to hurt me?
I touched up my makeup, reapplied my lipstick and put the car in drive. Once I got out of the area I started processing what had happened. I knew that it was all going too well for him to even be interested in me. Until that awkward moment, I thought, 'Is this how easy dating could be if I were a cisgender woman?' I had gone from the girl that my date was kissing to someone he found disgusting all because of a single word: transgender.
Dating Trans Website Like
Because most of our society is prejudiced and has socially constructed ideas about gender and sex, it's very difficult for transgender individuals to come out of the closet and show their true colors. This makes dating even harder for them than it is for cisgender people.
- TransDate is one of the British transgender dating sites that has a relatively active audience. It was not made for love searching but hookups are a part of the deal.searching. If you decide to go with the paid membership and feel unsatisfied, TransDate promises to grant you 30 more days for free.
- The best transgender and transsexual dating site and trans community. Date trans women and men all over the world and find your TS match nearby and all over the world!
- My Transgender Date is the first decent dating site for trans women. Made with love, by an original trans couple.My Transgender Date is owned and operated by Building Bridges Limited, Hong Kong.
Dating sites for Transgender women continues to hit the headlines! For the last 3-4 years, all things Transgender have been to the forefront of social and regular media. Interest in and the wish to meet and date Trans women continues to grow as more such women appear on TV, in films, plays, magazines and even walking catwalks modelling the.
There are also many misconceptions about the connection between sexual orientation and gender. You should know – they're not connected. Many believe that trans people transition so that they could have more socially-accepted, heterosexual relationships, but this is far from the truth. Only 15% of transgenders identify as straight.
Which brings us back around to the difficulty of dating. Finding a partner can, unfortunately, be more complicated than it typically is. It can be scary coming out to the whole world and depending on your surroundings and your community, it can be dangerous as well.
Which is why many transgender/transsexual people turn to dating websites and dating apps. People feel free to express themselves and their desires on sites and apps because they offer anonymity and security. Not all dating sites include options for transgenders, but there are many who do, so have a look:
1. TS Dates
TS Dates is an international dating website perfect for transgender singles. It also welcomes straight men and women, gays, lesbians, and even groups. It has more than 88 million members worldwide and really stands out from the crowd.
Signing up is as easy as with any other website, they ask for some mandatory basic information, and you can choose the transsexual / transvestite / transgender option.
The website is quite expansive and can be confusing at first. It has many features, including chat rooms, messages, blogs, a magazine, ongoing contests, webcams, and much more, but thankfully they do offer a tour once you've signed up.
You have the standard method of searching for matches based on age, gender, location, etc., but you can also filter your search based on your specific interests or fetishes, for example.
You can access many of the website's features without being a paying member, but you do have a lot of limitations. One of its biggest drawbacks for free members is the option to see other users' profiles, or better said– not see their profiles. You do get the profile preview, but you're not allowed access to their full information. If a member 'flirts' with you, you get more information, but you still can't see all their pictures, for example.
The price is pretty high compared to other dating websites, with $20 a month for a standard one-month subscription, and the Gold Membership with a price tag of $240 a year. The gold membership does unlock all the features of the website and gives you immediate priority customer service. However, you can only communicate with other Gold members, those with a Standard subscription may not contact you.
2. Yumi
Yumi is the best hookup app there is. It's very straightforward, you find a match, and get lucky. It's inclusive, anonymous, and perfect for transgenders. Yumi also supports all kinds of sexual orientation, so no matter how you identify yourself and what preferences you have, you can find a good match in no time and explore your own sexuality.
Dating anyone in mckinney tx. The app doesn't ask for any of your personal info, you don't need to enter your phone number, email, or connect it with your Facebook account unless you want to do all that. You don't even need a bio, everyone's on here for the same reason – to hookup, so you don't need to give your explanations as to why. All you need is a picture, and you're ready to go.
And since a picture is all you need, you better make it count. Your picture will be the reason someone flip you, so you want to have a picture that stands out and lets your personality shine through. You can use a selfie, or any picture that showcases your interests and hobbies, be it bungee jumping, clubbing, playing video games, or anything in between.
Now when it comes to using this app, it's all pretty easy. Choose 1 of 4 default 'Cards' on your screen, and click it to flip it over. There's a 50% chance of finding your next casual encounter with each round. You get 24 hours to initiate a chat with them, or else the conversation is expired.
The reason behind this being that this is an instant hookup app. It's not for dating and romance, it's just for your animalistic, erotic desires. Everyone wants some nice, casual, consensual sex here, and everyone wants it now, so Yumi wants to provide that for you.
You can send text messages, or pictures and audio files, and you can even have a video chat. This app is your go-to option for casual sex.
You can download the Yumi app for free, or choose to subscribe to the Yumi Plus, starting as low as 19.99$ a month.
3. TG Personals
Launched in 1999, TG Personals is a safe website where transgender individuals can meet and get to know each other. All features on the website are 100% free to use, and it's most commonly used for finding casual sexual encounters.
While the website was created specifically as a safe place for transgenders and gays, it has since evolved. It now includes straight men and women looking for fellow straight users, and there are many couples trying to find a good match for a threesome.
Since members are mostly looking for sexual encounters only, this is usually very obviously shown in their profiles, alongside their gender, and the sexual orientation of the person they want to hook up with. Best hook up spots fife washington.
This straightforward approach allows everyone to be on the same page about the expectations of their eventual encounters. There's no discrimination on this website, and members are very open-minded and accepting.
To sign up, you do need to put in some basic information, your display name, username, email address, age, gender, and location. You could add the sexual orientation of the person you're looking for, and state whether you're looking for sex, friendship, love, or something else.
There's also an 'about me' section where you can introduce yourself, and there's no limited number of characters there, so you can get creative.
You make a match based on your own personal preference, and you can add friends to your list, interesting users to your crush list, use different search filters, and more.
Everything is free of charge, so you can easily send messages, and they even offer a blog where users can post their own content, as long as it doesn't violate the terms and conditions.
4. OkCupid
OkCupid is another free dating site that supports the LGBTQ community and has shown it multiple times. Scott executive matchmaking services. They are huge supporters of the ACLU (the American Civil Liberties Union) and have shown their pride with the New York City Pride Parade in 2018.
OkCupid has expanded its identity and orientation list, and it now includes 22 genders and 13 sexual orientations, but it still allows for anonymity if you're not comfortable sharing your identity with the world just yet.
This site is focused more on dating and love than on hookups, but at the end of the day, it's all about what you want.
To find you the perfect match, they offer thousands of questions for you to answer. The questions are there to help you express yourself and your beliefs on lifestyle, politics, social views, and more. But they're also used so that they can match you with like-minded people who share your world views.
You can also create profile essays that better explain who you are as a person. You can talk about your interests, hobbies, experiences, anything you want. On OKCupid, they give you enough space to talk about yourself and let people know the real you.
They've also added a new feature that allows you to privately comment on people's photos, and start your conversation more smoothly.
Your best bet on OkCupid is to upload a variety of photos to show others who you are and what you like doing and add captions to them. Captions make it easier for others to understand you better and connect with you. It's also best to make use of the space you have for your profile essays.
Judging by photos alone is not enough for people to get to know each other, so the more information you give, the easier it will be to find a perfect match for yourself, whether you're looking for casual encounters or meaningful romance.
5. TS Scene
TS Scene is another trans-friendly dating website whose basic services you can use for free. It's used by thousands of transgender singles around the world, so you can take your pick. TS Scene takes all the guesswork, fear and anxiety from the dating world, and gives you a perfect place to meet transgender men and women.
You can specify exactly what kind of date you're looking for, and find the perfect one for you out of the whole database of personal profiles.
You can send instant messages and flirts to anyone you see and add or remove members from 'your favorites'.
TS Scene also has an interesting 'Rapid Match' feature. It is a free feature that displays its members in your area. You can 'like' or 'pass' the members, and get a notification if someone 'likes' you. Of course, if you're not interested in this feature, you can easily turn it off in your visibility settings.
You also have the option of blocking certain TS Scene users from sending you emails or messages in chat rooms and reporting their profiles.
If you want, there is an option for you to receive newsletters and email alerts, but you can opt out of that as well.
When it comes to TS Scene site, it is an easy to use website, its features and options are adequate enough, and it is available in a lot of countries, however, it's very rudimentary. The user interface is old-fashioned and cramped, so if this is something that you find annoying, it might not be the best website for you.
6. Trans App
The last app on our plate today is Trans, available both on Google Play, and iPhone's App Store. You can connect with trans men and women locally, or around the world, and it's a nice and safe place for you to find likeminded singles, and find friendships, hookups, and more.
It has a lot of features, but if you're a free member, many of them would be unavailable to you. You get a small number of 'swipes' per day, your messaging options are limited, etc.
As a paying member, however, you do get some advantages. You can customize your filter criteria, send messages and winks to the profiles that you like, and more.
It is a pricier service, however, with a price tag of $15.99 for a one-month subscription, $35.99 for 3 months, and $54.99 for 6 months.
All in all, while transgender singles have unique problems in the dating world, there are many apps that allow you to freely express yourself and feel accepted and unjudged.
All of the listed dating apps and sites have their pros and cons, and all have unique purposes, whether it's helping you find a date, a hookup, a friendship, or love.
So, depending on your preferences and desires, choose the app that works for you and that is the most likely to get you what you want. Happy dating!
How Useful Was This Post?
Click on a star to rate it!
Average rating 4.8 / 5. Vote count: 578
No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.
We are sorry that this post was not useful for you!
Let us improve this post!
Tell us how we can improve this post?
You Might Also Like
Sex & Relationships
Janelle Villapando has been swiping left and right for years and in that time, she's noticed a few patterns among the men she meets
As a transgender woman, my relationship with online dating is complicated to say the least.
With my accounts on OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel and ChristianMingle, I am subjected to the same kind of messages from Mr. Washboard-Abs-No-Face and unsolicited dick pics that most women, unfortunately, receive. But searching for Mr. Right as a transgender woman (I was born male, but identify and present as female) adds a whole new dimension to digital dating.
Since transitioning in 2014, I haven't reacted positively to guys who hit on me in person because I haven't mastered the art of telling them that we have 'the same parts.' For the past three years, Tinder has been my gateway into online dating as a transgender woman.
As a 22-year-old grad starting a career in fashion (and hopefully, one day, my own size-inclusive clothing line), I am drawn to guys who are funny and ambitious. There's no bigger turn-off than someone who does the bare minimum—except maybe body odour. In terms of looks, I prefer taller guys. Being 5'9″, I still like to be able to look up to my man, literally. So, whenever I see 6'2″ or taller on a guy's profile, it's almost an automatic right swipe.
(Photo courtesy of Janelle Villapando)
As a trans woman on dating apps, I've always made sure that guys are aware that I am transgender. This avoids wasting each other's time. There have also been many documented cases of trans women being hurt and sometimes even killed when they disclose their status to transphobic men that found them attractive, so being completely transparent is also a way of protecting myself from potentially dangerous situations.
As I click, message and swipe through the world of online dating, I've quickly learned that there are at least three different types of guys: those who fetishize trans women, those who are curious but cautious, and those who simply don't read. Unfortunately, these labels don't appear on their profiles.
The guy who sees me as a fetish
I usually get very forward messages from guys who just want me for my body. They view me as exotic, a kink, something new to try.
Dating Trans Website Free
These guys want to chill somewhere less public or exclusively at their place so they won't be seen with me. I have actually 'dated' (if you can even call it that) some of these men, including one guy who checked his apartment's hallway to make sure his neighbours wouldn't see me leave his place. Another guy made sure even his social media presence wasn't linked to mine. He lied about not having an Instagram account, then when I 'came across it' and liked one of his pictures in spite, he blocked me.
With these kind of guys, I've felt like I was their dirty little secret, and at first, I thought this type of interaction was the closest thing to a relationship I was going to have as a trans woman. But I finally reached my limit when one of my dates bumped into someone he knew when we were together. Despite the fact that we were on our third date, he didn't even acknowledge my existence as I stood there a couple feet from him while he talked to his friend. His silence told me exactly how much I meant to him. After realizing that I deserved so much better and was wasting my time with these guys, I stopped giving them attention.
The guy who can't handle that I am trans
After one too many encounters with men who were fetishizing me, I started to spend time on guys who actually wanted to get to know me. These are men who find me attractive, but are initially hesitant because of my trans-ness. With these men, I went on dates in public at the movies, or a chill restaurant, and I was viewed as more than a new sexual experience—but I don't think I was seen as potential relationship material either. One guy in particular seemed to really like me. We vibed well and there was sexual tension building during our dates. Then poof, he was gone. After a month, he reached out to me saying he couldn't be with me because I am transgender. He was concerned about how his sexuality would 'change.'
I had another similar experience on a first date where a man greeted me, hugged me, then said he left something in his car. After a couple of minutes, I got a text from him while waiting alone at our table that said he had to leave because my transgender status was giving him anxiety. After that, I stopped chasing guys who were too concerned about their feelings to even think about mine. Red flags like continually postponing dates and constantly asking, 'When are you getting the surgery?' helped me whittle down the number of guys I talked to by half.
The guy who ignores the (not-so) fine print
Dating Trans Website Login
Thanks to Tinder, profile pictures say more than a thousand words—and actual words seem to be irrelevant on our profiles. While most people only consider the profile pic before swiping right or left, for me, the text on my profile is crucial. Even since Tinder introduced more genders to choose from than just the binary male and female, it doesn't show your gender on the swiping screen. I get plenty of matches on Tinder, but within 24 hours around half of them un-match or block me after reading my profile. Whenever I do start talking to guys who 'stick around,' I make sure that they know I am transgender before meeting them.
(Screenshot courtesy of Janelle Villapando)
However, I recently went on a date with a guy who was tall, handsome, funny and had his shit (relatively) together. We met in the late afternoon and enjoyed our frozen yogurt in perfect patio weather. It was going really well! At the end of the date, our first kiss quickly turned into a handsy makeout session in the backseat of my car. Before it went further, I did my routine check of asking, 'You know I'm transgender right?' expecting he was going to say yes and carry on. Instead, he looked at me with a blank face.
He started yelling that I never told him. I responded saying it was all over my OkCupid profile, which it turns out he never read. He said, 'I'm bouncing; that's f-cked up,' and jumped out of the car, spat on the ground, slammed the car door and walked away. I sat in the back seat of my car in complete shock.
In that moment, I was mostly concerned about my safety. I stayed in my back seat for probably five minutes to make sure he was gone. When I got back into the front seat to drive home, I still felt uneasy. What if he's still around? What if he's going to try to hurt me?
I touched up my makeup, reapplied my lipstick and put the car in drive. Once I got out of the area I started processing what had happened. I knew that it was all going too well for him to even be interested in me. Until that awkward moment, I thought, 'Is this how easy dating could be if I were a cisgender woman?' I had gone from the girl that my date was kissing to someone he found disgusting all because of a single word: transgender.
Dating Trans Website Like
Relationship status: single, but cautious
Not all guys I've talked to fall into these three categories. I've gone on dates with guys who seem to be genuinely into me and are accepting of my trans identity, but there's no magical combination of spark, chemistry and attraction.
I seem to only be attracted to guys who are no good for me—and I know that I'm not the only woman, trans or not, who feels that way. Since that incident with the guy in my car, I've slowed down my activity on dating apps. I thought about deleting all my dating apps, but it's still my main way of meeting guys. Plus, what if the perfect guy slides into my DM, right? I haven't lost hope, and my friends continue to encourage me. If I had a dime for every time someone said that I'll find love when I least expect it, I'd be driving a hot pink Bugatti right now (all white interior, please). If that's truly the case, I hope he's 6'4″ and messages me with a cheesy pick-up line.
This article was originally published on August 16, 2017.
Related:
The First Time I Had Sex in My Correct Gender
What It's Really Like to Be Young and Transgender in Canada
Yes, Men Get Paid More than Women…But What About Trans Women?
